Lots of surprising events in the past few months and yesterday's argument has at last made me to pen down ( or should I say press the keys down) my own thoughts and calculations about love and arranged weddings. As I read in somebody’s post long time back both are a gamble. But which is a better gamble again varies from case to case. I am a staunch believer of the following.
- Our parents are really very important. I like them very much and under no circumstance I want a rift in our relationship.
- Even I am very important to myself. And I won’t compromise on lots of my beliefs and ideals.
Now there are certain facts which can’t be ignored and which are very difficult to reform.
Our society is very conservative. Our people do not accept the love marriage scheme very congenially.
- The parent kid bond is very strong and sentimental here.
- Our parents get involved and take care of us in the best possible way. Unlike certain counties the kids don’t move out of their parent's home after18.We live with them and believe in the relationship.
- Parents themselves will want to hence choose a life partner for their kid or due to pressures from the "arranged wedding" inclined society they did prefer an issueless arranged wedding.
The most vital consideration being how well these weddings work. All types require lots of adjustments by both the parties. Failure in understanding this can break any relationship.
I believe we gotto be happy and should not make our folks unhappy.Just like a corollary to the Nash theorems the payoff is high when we think of our own and the group benefits.
- A love marriage may not keep the elder's very happy
- An arranged marriage after being in love with someone else will keep you real unhappy.
- The maximum payoff would be the case wherein you lead a happy carefree life and not get involved in any relationship till your parent's find a life partner for you. In this case folks are very happy and you are also happy.
The only pinch in the above proposal is the fear “What if the other person is not suitable for me? “. But a simple probability calculation shows that the number of arranged weddings that are successful till date is very high. And you can take your time and choose .The process can be made objective. Again I am sure people choose their life partners in love marriages also in an objective manner. You just don’t go straight and marry the first person you have a crush on!!!
That’s my point of view. What say??
10 comments:
1. i dont think choosing partners in love marriage is so objective. wat with so much perceptions involved!! yeah....cultural n individual compatibilities r a part of teh choosing process going by the current trend.
2. agreed. by and large arranged marriage works pretty fine.
finally for guys, theres an added adv in arranged marriages - can try more sojjis and bajjis ;)
its very unfair u know...
most girls..are ready to give some stranger a chance..just coz some dots on paper matches, the parents GUESS that the groom is gonna be ok...
my arguement is..when someone can pin up sooo much faith in strangers...why cant they just have some faith in the ones they love..
n i strongly belive that the start of a true meaningful love relation is a deep rooted friendship..
u can argue saying love marriages dont work..coz most ppl confuse lust n love...be it arranged or love marriage..a SUPERFICIAL relationship is not gonna last long...
the divorce court sure gets its fill from both sides of the marriage coin
>>>The maximum payoff would be the case wherein you lead a happy carefree life and not get involved in any relationship till your parent's find a life partner for you. In this case folks are very happy and you are also happy.
you can't really say that..some of the mates have problem..sometimes grim problems come up..But ppl keep mum and don tell anybody.One of them sacrifice for their children.This keeping mum mostly occurs in arranged marriage.
hmm...i still dont understand wat u support...
i personally feel tat u gotta know a person b4 u can enter into a commitment like tat...
i feel tat u need to know and be on the same wavelength with someone whom u hav to spend the rest of ur life with...and tat i think cant be achieved in arranged marriages...
the only thing i do feel is that even if u do do a love marriage..u need to hav the consent of ur parents...cos they hav every right to decide...
i also feel tat ur parents will ultimately agree with ur choice...cos all tat they want is for u to be happy...and if tat girl is wat u want..so be it..
as a bottom line...i would like to emphasize tat i am single and available and waiting..;-)
welll.. i already commented for ur post in y! msger.. but its really temptin to comment on what sriram has craped..
hey sri.. excuse me ..WHAT ?!!
" i also feel tat ur parents will ultimately agree with ur choice...cos all tat they want is for u to be happy...and if tat girl is wat u want..so be it.. "
ya , parents wil ultimately agree. cuz of the pressure u put on dem.. no other reason. cuz they always tend to believ tat "they" know wat they r doin is for the best. plus whether the parents approve a girl /guy or no depends on many factors like whether they believe in caste system , class system n finally i feel its easier for the guys than the girls ( so take heart ;-) )..
neways , as a common comment , i think it all differs case by case.. sometimes AM wrks out for some ppl.. sometimes LM does... u cant generalise it and put in the form of a math eqn n take decisions based on tat.. all i can say is it all depends on every individuals current circumstances.
i know parents think that they know wat is good for their kids...but they ll definately understand ur sentiments as well...i mean..they are ur parents yaar...not some unknown people...caste etc will be a concern for them...but all tat they want is for u to be happy na...
and once they see tat this is wat u want...they ll concur..
well i dun agree with ur statement tht the number of successful arranged marraiges are high!!..its like an argument section in gre.... its coz the society forces more arranged marraiges thn love so it will seem to be high!!...once the society strts acceptin love marraiges as a part of life!!...den it will outperform arranged ones!!!!
Its all luck that matters. You might even turn up to find your lover to be a bad partner.
Calculations and probabilities are not for the real world.
well...as i read the blog and the comments..one positive thing that strikes my mind is, the consensus that we shouldn't hurt our parents ....loooooong live this consensus.....it would be interesting to see what our progeny are going to consent with...ithu toooooo mucha?
I completely agree wit you that an arranged marriage has an edge over the concept of love marriage. Especially for people like me who are just plain lazy to involve themselves in such a complicated thing as the latter concept. Y bother doing something when there are people just waiting for a word from you to do it themselves!! And moreover, this is my perception that the time taken can ve constructively spent on other things such as sleeping! Jokes apart, I believe that every thing in life needs to be given its own space and time... Never try to crunch it or mess with it in any manner... The more space you give yourself to embrace somethin new will reflect on the outcome...
Post a Comment